Everything is so new to me now. I am a new mother, Basically a wife. except I do not have my own place and I probably wont for a while.
I have a new way of thinking
new priorities
new responsibilities
a new life to take care of
i have a whole new lifestyle

Since being pregnant I have felt totally different. Understandable I guess because it is different.
Someone once told me you find out who your true friends are when you get pregnant
and its true
sadly there are people who i "thought" were my friends but I guess they were just some of those people you are friends with for a short period of time before you move on to the next group of friends that you will soon call your "good" friends just like the last set.

I cant do the things i use to do. Get high everyday, drink every weekend. not even simple things like go shopping.
I found that out recently when I took theresa to Tilly's and we had to take turns watching the baby because the stroller
was to big to fit through the clothes. I appreciate Theresa being so willing to help me out..

it get depressed sometimes thinking I have lost some friends all because I cant do the things I use to do.
Have I changed that much?
Am I not fun anymore because I cant do those things?
Have I become someone you cant talk to, tell secrets to, listen to, because I have a baby?

I love my daughter. she is my life, my world, one of the greatest things that has happened to me.
I had a tough decision to make in the beginning.
Would I keep her?
Something I thought my whole life I would never second guess.
Since I was young I always said that I would never Abort.
There is always another option.
But the second I found out I was pregnant. everything changed.
I actually was thinking about abortion.
and I almost went through with it.
until I thought.
How the HELL am I going to live with myself. Knowing that I was going to miss out on MY baby. MY living child inside my body. How am I going to just get rid of her because I still want to be young. because I am selfish and want to live my life without any worries..but i couldnt do it. I did not care what I was going to miss out on. the struggles I was going to face. The stress. the tears the lack of sleep. Missing out on parties, events, my whole young adult life.,
but that is ok,
because I have the most beautiful family
I have the most beautiful baby girl

and those people who want to be my friends will be there for me. I just need to appreciate the ones i have now